How to Win Friends & Influence People
by Dale Carnegie
I, Michael Parker, own this book and took these notes to further my own learning. If you enjoy these notes, please purchase the book!
Part 1: Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
Chapter 1
- pg 5: Criticism is futile because it makes one strive to justify himself; it’s dangerous because it wounds pride and arouses resentment.
- pg 13: When dealing with people, you aren’t dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion motivated by pride and vanity.
Chapter 2
- pg 17: Everyone has a desire to feel important; praise can fulfill this desire and serve as a strong motivator.
- pg 26: Don’t confuse flattery with appreciation; flattery is insincere and selfish.
Chapter 3
- pg 31: To influence people, talk about what they want and show them how to get it; don’t talk about what you want.
- pg 42: The world is so full of self-seeking people, that an individual that tries to unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous advantage.
Part 2: Six Ways to Make People Like You
Chapter 1
- pg 52: Win friends by being genuinely interested in other people, instead of trying to get other people interested in you.
- pg 58: Put yourself out to do things for other people that require time, energy, unselfishness, and thoughtfulness.
Chapter 2
- pg 64: There’s more information in a smile than a frown, so encouragement is a more effective teacher than punishment.
- pg 67: Fake a smile; act as though you were already happy, and that will tend to make you happy.
- pg 68: Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.
Chapter 3
- pg 73: People find their name the most interesting of all; remembering that name and calling it easy is an effective compliment.
- pg 78: The information we impart or request we make takes on special importance when we approach with a name.
Chapter 4
- pg 84: A violent critic is subdued in the presence of a patient, sympathetic listener, as all they desire is an audience.
- pg 88: People are more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in you and your problems.
Chapter 5
- pg 89: The road to a person’s heart is to talk about the things he or she treasures most; research those things if you must.
Chapter 6
- pg 96: Obey the golden rule, and do unto others as you would have others do unto you.
- pg 98: All people you meet feel superior to you in some way; in some subtle way, recognize their importance sincerely.
Part 3: How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
Chapter 1
- pg 111: Avoid arguments; the loser of an argument has his pride hurt, and will likely remain unconvinced anyway.
- pg 113: Arguing allows a person to feel important by asserting their authority; admitting their importance disarms them.
- pg 114: Distrust your first instinctive impression, and give your opponent a chance to talk without defense or debate.
Chapter 2
- pg 117: If proving someone wrong, do it subtly and adroitly, so you don’t arouse opposition and handicap yourself.
- pg 118: Admitting you may be wrong will stop all argument and inspire fairness and open-mindedness in your opponent.
Chapter 3
- pg 129: Saying about yourself the derogatory things someone else wants to say may improve their disposition.
- pg 130: Admitting your errors clears the air of guilt and defensiveness, but often helps solve the problem created by the error.
Chapter 4
- pg 137: To win someone to your cause, first convince him that you are a sincere friend.
Chapter 5
- pg 144: Begin by emphasizing what you agree on; keep emphasizing, if possible, that you want the same end with different methods.
- pg 145: Keep your opponent from saying “no”; a “yes” response moves their psychological process in the affirmative direction.
Chapter 6
- pg 152: Almost every successful person likes to reminisce about early struggles; use this to let them talk about themselves.
- pg 154: When our friends excel us, they feel important; when we excel them, they feel inferior and envious, so let them talk profusely.
Chapter 7
- pg 156: Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers; no one likes to feel that they’re being forced upon.
Chapter 8
- pg 161: Understand why a person thinks and acts how he does, and you have the key to his actions and personality.
- pg 165: Think in terms of the other person’s point of view, and see things from that angle as well as your own.
Chapter 9
- pg 168: Giving people the sympathy they thirst for can create good will and make them listen attentively.
Chapter 10
- pg 175: Appeal to the noble motives of someone, and not what you think may be the real reason behind an action.
Chapter 11
- pg 182: Merely stating a truth is not enough; use showmanship to make it vivid, interesting, and dramatic.
Chapter 12
- pg 188: Issue a challenge; everyone loves the chance for self-expression, proving worth, to excel and to win.
Part 4: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment
Chapter 1
- pg 193: It i always easier to listen to unpleasant things after we have heard some praise for our good points.
Chapter 2
- pg 200: When following praise with criticism, join the two with “and,” not “but,” to avoid arousing resentment.
- pg 201: Calling attention to mistakes indirectly works with sensitive people who may resent direct criticism.
Chapter 3
- pg 204: Before criticizing someone, begin by humbly admitting that you, too, are far from impeccable.
- pg 206: Don’t hesitate to admit your own mistakes, even the uncorrected ones, to change someone’s behavior.
Chapter 4
- pg 208: Give suggestions and ask questions, don’t give orders; this encourages cooperation, not rebellion.
- pg 209: People are more likely to accept an order when part of the decision that led to its issue.
Chapter 5
- pg 214: You only destroy ego by causing someone to lose face, even if the other person is definitely wrong.
Chapter 6
- pg 217: B.F. Skinner showed that minimizing criticism and emphasizing praise reinforces only good behavior.
- pg 219: Praise is more meaningful when singling out specific accomplishments, rather than general flattery.
Chapter 7
- pg 222: Give someone a reputation to live up to, treating the trait in need of improvement as an outstanding characteristic.
Chapter 8
- pg 227: Find a way to convince someone that they have an undeveloped flair for whatever they’re attempting.
Chapter 9
- pg 232: Always make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
- pg 234: Put your request in a form that will convey to the other person the idea that they will personally benefit.